Not a Teacher Anymore

*Written in May of 2012 posted February 2013. I wasn't sure if I should post this. It's not positive, exactly. Well, it is positive, but not about my job at the time. And I hate being down on the job I had because of the wonderful people I know who are still doing it. So I sat on this post for months. But here it is. 

I write this post with very mixed feelings.
This time last year, I had been laid off for budget reasons and was saying an early goodbye to the profession that I chose for myself in 1998. I wasn't ready to go, and was desperately hoping for one more year at PHE. I got my wish, and was brought back in to teach 4th grade.
At this point, after 6 years working daily in public schools (and a total of 14 years of teaching, counting everything), I'm not going to be a teacher anymore.
Back when I was supposed to be getting a transplant by now, Lawyer Man and I created an alternate plan. We would start a business together, with him as the lawyer and me as the office manager, and we would work around my doctor's appointments and ability level to run the practice together. This seemed more doable than teaching, where you can't be immunocompromised and you can't take off a lot and you can't sit down much or pee when you want to. It was clear that after my transplant, my teaching career would be over and a quiet office job would be the new plan.
As this plan took form, we added two more partners to the firm. I gladly resigned my position as equal partner with my husband in favor of getting to be the Mama Bear for all three lawyers. I love the people I'm going to work with and I love the idea of our business, and I am absolutely THRILLED to be moving back to the Houston area (also part of the post-transplant plan... gotta be close to my momma if I'm going to be sick all the time.)
Now that a transplant doesn't seem to be in my near future (may not even be in the 5-year plan), I could continue to teach. The big reason I was leaving teaching doesn't really apply anymore, so I am in a position where I really could keep going. Just put in applications and start working in my home district! Or I could continue with the family business plan, now that it is in motion. Being that I am an organized person, I have been mentally listing reasons to teach versus reasons to quit (regardless of new job). Related to quitting, I also have reasons to specifically be our office manager. Here's what I have.

Stay in Teaching
This is my "calling" and my degree and has been my plan since middle school.
Relatively secure job.
It's all I'm qualified for, from a resume point of view.
Never work on holidays
Summer break (after summer school is out)
I really do love teaching
My coworkers have rocked at every school I've taught at
There are still places like China Spring, where kids want to learn and parents care
Sometimes I get paid to go hiking, listen to mariachis, or visit the symphony
Sometimes I get paid to paint, read fun books, or play Apples to Apples
Fiber Arts Club rocked
Inner-City School Teacher has a way bigger "oh, Damn!" factor than Office Manager
People are surprised when I say I'm quitting teaching, and seem let down
I love kids
I doubt the partners will draw pictures for me
I can have a bulletin board on star paper with a glittery shooting star border in my classroom, but not in my office

Leave the Profession
I might not be an expert at classroom management (or at least, my last group of kiddos was better at foiling my plans than I was at creating them)
There is no correlation between hard work and pay out, despite what we try to tell the kids
Coming home drained with no energy for my family or home
Paperwork (to be completed in my spare time, not on the clock)
In 6 years, I have had three semesters TOTAL where I felt like I was good at my job and I enjoyed it (in three separate school years), I have had 4 semesters where I felt like I was doing a good job but I didn't love it, I have had 5 semesters where I felt like I sucked at my job and I didn't love it.
Teacher ass (or, why do I immediately lose 5-10 pounds every summer and regain it by Christmas?)
The system is broken and I feel so inadequate being unable to serve all my kids the way they need to be
No more lesson plans or grades
No more breaking up fights
If someone says "F YOU! I don't have to do this," then I don't have to work with him
If someone makes a paper airplane out of his test, I don't have to answer for why his grades are so low
If someone stabs someone with a pencil, it's not my fault
If someone cusses at me on the phone, I don't have to thank her for her input
If someone tells me he plans to keep me from doing my job, a specialist won't tell me to buy him stuff to make him like being here.
If someone threatens me, I can file charges, not ask him nicely to keep working.
Feeling totally spoiled to be at a school that allows 35 minutes for lunch

Office Manager at PMF
Flexible hours
Work starts at 9:00, not 7:45, and if I work until 5:00 I get paid until 5:00.
Work with my husband, rather than calling him to say I'm staying late again
Firm dinners with the partners and their families
I'm really good at customer service
I'm really good at organization
Kid/dog friendly office
(At least at first) Working from home
(Later) Decorating an office with things that are beautiful and won't be broken, stolen, or graffitied
Allowed to say Damn or Hell at work
Get to dress way sexier because I won't be standing all day, sitting on the floor, or dealing with paint or pre-adolescent boys
"Working Lunch" means lunch out with a client or bringing take-out back to the office, not eating a granola bar over the copier
On that, having a Lunch HOUR
I can go to the bathroom any time I want and I don't have to ask someone to watch two classrooms at once

Bittersweet

So this week has been strange. 

It's the last week of school, so I have had to take down all the decorations in my classroom and say goodbye to my kids and my coworkers. Only not really goodbye, because I'm teaching summer school, so I'll see a lot of my coworkers for another month (and two of my kids.) Also only sorta goodbye because I don't have a job yet for next year. I was the only probational teacher at my school who was cut due to budget issues, but one of 181 district wide. They have now hired back 87 of us, according to the TV, but no word yet on me. So as I stood up in front of my peers at out luncheon, I wasn't ready to say goodbye because I really firmly believe I'm coming back. But I don't know for sure. Regardless, I have cleaned out my desk in the meantime. 

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Now, I'm sure you are all eagerly awaiting my lab results. Right? (Thanks, Mrs. A, for the concern.) Well, I don't have the full print out but I know two key numbers. First the good news is my bloodcount is 12, so I'm not all that anemic. Not great, but not dangerous, either. But then there's the creatinine, which was 2.44. That's up from last month. 2nd "up" number in a row, after about 6 months of consistently "down" numbers. (Cheat sheet: creatinine is a byproduct of muscle tissue breakdown, it's filtered out by kidneys, normally you have less of it in your blood, but if your filter doesn't work, you have more of it. It is a pretty standard measure of kidney function.  Healthy = under 1.2 mg/dl. )  I was at 1.8 (36%) when this all was discovered Dec of 2009, 3.5 (17%) at my worst in August 2010, and was at 2.1 (32%) two months ago. So now I'm back under 30% and I am seeing my trend of "better better better" turn around. Not that I should complain about 26% function when I have felt 17% but I am worried that this trend is going to continue and I am going to get very very sick in then next three to six months. I base this prediction on what patterns I have seen before, though, really I have no clue since we still have no idea what is going on. In the meantime, I have to get a little more strict on my diet. I'm not sure that my diet will really help anything,since an autoimmune disorder will not be slowed down by lack of sodium, but it's my way of doing penance in hopes that I will tip the scales toward "she deserves to get better." So I'm drinking a lot of water and trying not to fret when I feel strange pokey pains in my lower back. Only time will tell. If you're the praying type, I could use it. 

Onto other things. We almost got a dog this week. Or, rather, she almost got us. On Monday evening a precious yellow lab puppy (less than 6 months) showed up in our backyard.  She dug under the fence to get in. We drove around and posted signs, hoping that her family was looking for her. Nope. So, being the saps we are, we bought some food, patched the fence, and let her stay over night in the yard. By morning she was gone. Not the end of the story. She came back in the afternoon. Sexy Lawyer Man fixed the fence again and we fed her and let her stay another night. We had a long tearful (just me, really) discussion about whether or not we could really afford and care for a dog right now, and decided that this was not a good time with me being out of a job (maybe) and him still in school, and a good chance of big ugly medical bills looming. Wednesday we called all over town looking for a no-kill shelter that would take her, but no one would. Eventually he had to take her to the Waco Humane Society. They seemed confident that a cute, healthy, sweet puppy like her would be adopted really soon. I hope so. She deserves a good home. Preferably one without potted plants. I didn't really want okra after all. 

Mundane news on the day the world didn't end.

Today was supposed to the Rapture Day (according to some.) We didn't have any excitement, but here are some other things going on with me.
Kids: (And by kids I mean my students.) I still have not heard whether I have a job next year or not. In April, my district laid off all its teachers that had been with the district 3 years or less. No secret. It was on the news. They plan to rehire "some" of those teachers back.  If they don't, then this is my last year of teaching. Pretty heavy thought with 9 school days left. I'll keep you posted on any news on that front.

Kitchen: I have a new recipe. I made this delicious chicken stir fry on Wednesday. It was supposed to be grilled but I had no charcoal. Then it became a chicken salad on Thursday. The chicken and veggies (including half a red onion, chopped red bell pepper, zucchini and yellow squash) were marinated in lemon juice, coriander, cumin, salt, and paprika. I served it over brown rice. The salad is mixed greens topped with leftover veggies, canned chickpeas, feta cheese, and a dressing (balsamic vinegar, lemon juice and dijon mustard.) I thought it was all very tasty. Sexy Lawyer Man liked the stir fry, minus the peppers, but visibly winced when he tried the salad. He doesn't like mustard. Oh well. It sure was pretty, though.

Kitchen Garden:The potato in my garden is getting pretty huge. It was small and cute when it first sprouted, but now I'm really not sure how it is going to grow potatoes in the corner of the narrow pot it's in. It was a total experiment. I now know that I can grow potatoes, at least into healthy looking foliage. Next time, I'll cut the sprouted potato into bits before planting, and spread them out. No idea yet on what's going on below the soil. 

Also in my yard is a cute rabbit! She's my front yard rabbit (I think it's a lady rabbit) and she's been out there almost every day since she was handful-sized. Our duplex-buddies feed her and she let me get pretty close and watch her eat for a while this week. I'd try to get closer but she'd probably run away or maul me, and I don't want to be in the ER explaining that it was "no ordinary rabbit."

Oh, and I have a video of our pretty cool hailstorm.  You can't exactly see the hail, but you can sure hear it on the patio roof. I'm not sure why I included this. Mom may be the only weather nerd who feels the need to see a video of my hailstorm.  But here it is nonetheless.